{"id":8975,"date":"2019-12-17T17:31:13","date_gmt":"2019-12-17T17:31:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pamap.accessfertility.com\/ie\/2019\/12\/17\/dealing-family-friends\/"},"modified":"2025-05-01T15:08:46","modified_gmt":"2025-05-01T14:08:46","slug":"dealing-family-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.accessfertility.com\/ie\/dealing-family-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with family and friends when TTC"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Christmas is a time where we sometimes get to see family and friends we haven\u2019t seen for a while. This may bring up anxiety about what questions they may ask, how you\u2019re going to feel around them, or you may wonder if you should tell them about your fertility journey. You read our article on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.accessfertility.com\/blog\/ivf-tell-not-tell\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u2018to tell or not to tell, that is the question\u2019<\/a> here but they key is to do whatever you feel like doing. Hopefully the tips below might help to ease your anxiety.<\/p>\n<p>Anxiety is often compounded at family gatherings or parties where an overzealous aunt or co-worker will undoubtedly ask you various questions about trying for a baby or presume you are pregnant because you aren\u2019t drinking\u00a0(I will always struggle to understand why people think this is an acceptable topic of conversation).<\/p>\n<h4><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-1793 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/pamap.accessfertility.com\/wpcms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/dealing-with-family-christmas-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"image of two ladies from The Royle Family dealing with friends and family\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" \/><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>It\u2019s normal!<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>If you&#8217;re feeling defensive or uncomfortable when people ask, you are 100% normal. There are people who ask in a completely innocent way, and many others who are just being nosy. Regardless, the question implies that\u00a0<em>when<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0<em>whether<\/em>\u00a0you have children is someone else&#8217;s business&#8230; and it&#8217;s not.<\/p>\n<p>To overcome this you might tell them to mind their own business, blame the good old antibiotics for your non-drinking, or just change the topic. You might decline gatherings and stay at home with close friends or family who understand and won\u2019t ask you questions. However you react is right for you. It\u2019s your business, not theirs.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Here are some other tips from verywellfamily.com<\/strong>:<\/p>\n<h4><strong>Remember: You Don&#8217;t Owe Anyone an Explanation<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>You might feel like you need to explain yourself. You may feel tempted to blurt out that you&#8217;re trying very hard, thank you very much, but there are problems.<\/p>\n<p>This might be an OK way to approach the question, but not in all cases. Unfortunately, not everyone is as compassionate as they should be. Some may give\u00a0unwanted advice, make\u00a0blaming comments, or otherwise respond negatively.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, some do ask innocently, unaware of the hurt their question may bring to you. Others simply aren&#8217;t sensitive to boundaries. If posed with this question, answer simply and then switch the topic.<\/p>\n<h4><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-828 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/pamap.accessfertility.com\/wpcms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/Coping-emotionally-christmas-275x300.jpg\" alt=\"image of teddy in santa hat dealing with friends and family\" width=\"275\" height=\"300\" \/><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>How should I respond?<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>You may be burning mad or feel like you want to give the person who posed the question a piece of your mind. But, with practice, you can learn to stop yourself from going that route. Your emotional energy is best directed elsewhere.<\/p>\n<p>Try taking a deep breath, let it out, and answer in one of the following ways:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;Not sure. So, how&#8217;s your new job?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Ask the powers that be, because I don&#8217;t know.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I&#8217;d rather not talk about it, thanks.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you want to go for something gutsy, you might answer:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s a rather personal question, don&#8217;t you think? Anyway, how&#8217;s your new job?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re feeling brave, and you have already decided to start telling people about your struggles,\u00a0you may use this as an opportunity to talk about infertility:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Actually, it&#8217;s interesting you ask&#8230; we&#8217;ve been trying for a while now.&#8221;<\/p>\n<h4><strong>Honesty as the best policy?<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>Some women suggested that the best answer is an honest one. One pointed out, \u201cit\u2019s not fair to withhold information from loved ones while simultaneously being mad at them for not knowing what we haven\u2019t told them.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Other women suggested that, when you\u2019re honest, it allows others to open up about their struggles\u2014whether they relate to fertility or not\u2014and you begin to realise that you\u2019re not alone. We all know that this taboo around infertility is a problem.<\/p>\n<p>As one community member shared, \u201cMost of the people we know and care about aren\u2019t trying to hurt us with their nosiness; by telling them the truth that their questions are painful, it lets them know where you are and gives them an opportunity not to cause you further pain.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Christmas is a time where we sometimes get to see family and friends we haven\u2019t seen for a while. This may bring up anxiety about what questions they may ask, how you\u2019re going to feel around them, or you may wonder if you should tell them about your fertility journey. You read our article on [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":828,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,17,15,16,45,46],"tags":[21,23,24,47],"class_list":["post-8975","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fertility","category-fertility-show","category-infertility","category-ivf","category-trying-to-conceive","category-ttc","tag-fertility","tag-infertility","tag-ivf","tag-ttc"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.7 (Yoast SEO v28.7) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Dealing with family and friends when TTC - Access Fertility IE<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"At Christmas we may see family and friends we haven&#039;t seen for a while and these gatherings can cause anxiety when TTC.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.accessfertility.com\/ie\/dealing-family-friends\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dealing with family and friends when TTC\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"At Christmas we may see family and friends we haven&#039;t seen for a while and these gatherings can cause anxiety when TTC.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.accessfertility.com\/ie\/dealing-family-friends\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Access Fertility IE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-12-17T17:31:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-05-01T14:08:46+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"idio\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"idio\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Estimated reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.accessfertility.com\\\/ie\\\/dealing-family-friends\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.accessfertility.com\\\/ie\\\/dealing-family-friends\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"idio\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.accessfertility.com\\\/ie\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/78bc945f8b3aba5a9453f3f5e6f0091f\"},\"headline\":\"Dealing with family and friends when TTC\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-12-17T17:31:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-05-01T14:08:46+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.accessfertility.com\\\/ie\\\/dealing-family-friends\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":677,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.accessfertility.com\\\/ie\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.accessfertility.com\\\/ie\\\/dealing-family-friends\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"\",\"keywords\":[\"fertility\",\"infertility\",\"IVF\",\"TTC\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Fertility\",\"Fertility Show\",\"Infertility\",\"IVF\",\"Trying to conceive\",\"TTC\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-GB\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.accessfertility.com\\\/ie\\\/dealing-family-friends\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.accessfertility.com\\\/ie\\\/dealing-family-friends\\\/\",\"name\":\"Dealing with family and friends when TTC - 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