{"id":8972,"date":"2019-12-17T17:30:37","date_gmt":"2019-12-17T17:30:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pamap.accessfertility.com\/ie\/?p=820"},"modified":"2025-05-01T15:11:46","modified_gmt":"2025-05-01T14:11:46","slug":"coping-infertility-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.accessfertility.com\/ie\/coping-infertility-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"Infertility: coping emotionally at Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"

Christmas and the run up to it can be an extremely stressful and upsetting time for those struggling with infertility as it is a stark reminder of failed cycles and not having yet reached those longed for baby goals. It\u2019s not just the ladies that might be struggling either, read more on the male struggle<\/a> here.<\/p>\n

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Infertility and the Christmas hype<\/strong><\/h4>\n

It seems impossible to get away from all the Christmas hype. People buying presents for their little ones or talking seemingly endlessly about children\u2019s gifts and nativity plays. The adverts about the \u2018perfect\u2019 family Christmas and more questions than usual about \u2018do you have kids\u2019\/\u2019what do your kids want for Christmas?\u2019 \u2013 aaargh!<\/p>\n

All this is enough to send anybody under their duvet until January. You may feel jealousy, anger, grief, depression, sadness and isolation during this time. It\u2019s important to be kind to yourself and realise that this is completely normal for people experiencing infertility, you are not going mad and you are certainly not alone.<\/p>\n

Infertility is a form of grief. Grief in any form can make celebrations difficult and leave you wondering \u2018what\u2019s the point?\u2019 Whatever the reason for your infertility, it hurts, a lot, and I certainly have a constant ache in my heart, BUT it doesn\u2019t have to be all doom and gloom and we can regain some control.<\/p>\n

There is more to Christmas than TTC and infertility<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Christmas is a key time to spend time with those you love, whatever your family unit looks like. It is easy to focus on what we don\u2019t have but don\u2019t lose sight of the people in your life that love and care about you. Focussing on the good times and memories you\u2019ve had with these people can help to take the edge off negative feelings and even bring a little smile to your lips. If people have been super supportive this year, this is your time to show them how much that means to you and that you don\u2019t take them for granted.<\/p>\n

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What I\u2019ve found helpful<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Listening to colleagues and friends talk about buying presents for their little ones, or organising a trip to see Santa can make you feel empty, angry, and begrudgingly jealous. Feeling isolated from the events unfolding is common and people sometimes ask \u2018what\u2019s the point?\u2019 What\u2019s the point in decorating the house? What\u2019s the point when we can\u2019t send letters to Santa? What\u2019s the point in Christmas morning when we don\u2019t get to experience the thrill of children finding their presents?<\/p>\n

I get it. My response to this that helps me is to channel my inner child. You don\u2019t have to be a child to get excited about opening presents or playing games and spending time with loved ones. I dress up in Christmas dresses, blast the Christmas tunes, make a lovely breakfast and stock up on games to play with family or just with my husband. I look forward to the look on my husband\u2019s face when he opens the presents I have carefully selected for him over the previous 6 weeks or so. The decorations make me feel good and make my house look pretty. Also I get time off work and can have a lie in \u2013 awesome! This helps set a positive tone for the \u2018big day\u2019 from the start. It might not be able to fix the underlying sadness but it certainly helps me get through.<\/p>\n

Something else that helps me keep my emotions in check is to (try to) remember how lucky I am. There are people suffering with cancer and other chronic illnesses, homelessness, loneliness and severe poverty this Christmas time who certainly aren\u2019t as lucky. Volunteering to help others over this period can really help both you and them \u2013 it keeps you busy, has been proven to give you a sense of well-being and it also delivers a big dose of perspective.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve recently thrown myself into volunteering at a local hedgehog rescue and am fostering a cute, cheeky little hedgehog over the winter. This, along with a range of other eco activities, is my way of gaining control and finding a purpose. It is effective in taking my mind off the always looming negativity of infertility. In the rescue 4 hours can pass before I\u2019ve even realised and in this time I was completely focussed on our cute spikey little friends and not sad or frustrated about my own struggles.<\/p>\n

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Tips for a peaceful Christmas when facing infertility<\/strong><\/h4>\n

In order to increase your chances of having a peaceful and pleasant Christmas, it\u2019s worth doing some thoughtful planning ahead to help reduce the pressure, stress and sadness that you might feel. Here are some tips:<\/p>\n

Remember you are not alone<\/strong> –\u00a0<\/strong>1 in 6 couples struggle with infertility so there are plenty of us feeling a similar way. Joining some infertility forums could be a good way of getting some support over this difficult time with others that understand how you\u2019re feeling.<\/p>\n

Reach out to others <\/strong>– ask for support and tell your trusted people about any concerns you have around Christmas. Together you can make a plan about how you might want to deal with the things that are concerning you so you can have as peaceful and enjoyable a Christmas as possible. You don\u2019t have to do anything you don\u2019t want to do.<\/p>\n

Make time to meet up with someone who makes you laugh and supports you<\/strong> – A hot chocolate, cake and a good old natter with someone you can completely be yourself around can often go a long way to making you feel better.<\/p>\n

Volunteer<\/strong> \u2013 if you find you have time it is good for the soul to volunteer, helping those less fortunate than yourself. Doing good makes you feel good and helps us get a bit of respite from thinking about our own infertility struggles, for a while at least.<\/p>\n

Get outdoors<\/strong> \u2013 spending time in nature, wrapped up warm with your companion on a nice long walk finished by a glorious pub meal can do wonders. It is great quality time for re-connecting with each other too.<\/p>\n

Schedule in self-care<\/strong> \u2013 scheduling in something you enjoy into every day can give you a little slice of something to look forward to as a reward for getting through the day. It could be settling with a hot chocolate and a good book, treating yourself to tasty food, watching a trashy film, having a relaxing bath, snuggles with your dog\/cat, or even an early night. Whatever works for you.<\/p>\n

Consider going away for Christmas<\/strong> \u2013 this isn\u2019t designed as a way to isolate yourself but some people find a break away as a couple or with friends is an effective way to avoid all the Christmas shenanigans you might not really want to be part of. This is a great way to spend quality, relaxing time with those close to you too.<\/p>\n

Start a gratitude journal<\/strong> \u2013 some people hate these types of activities but this one can actually really help. It\u2019s a popular way to help retrain your brain towards positivity. We know positivity is a good thing for fertility too so it\u2019s worth a shot. This site<\/a> explains the benefits and gives you some tips for this simple, quick task.<\/p>\n

Allow the emotions<\/strong> – allow yourself to feel sad or cry if it\u2019s one of those days. Don\u2019t judge yourself or try to push through, just let it out. It\u2019s ok and it\u2019s normal. Let it out but then let it pass.<\/p>\n

Practice mindfulness<\/strong> \u2013 mindfulness can be tricky to master but with practice can be a great tool in coping with difficult emotions. Ever had that feeling where you\u2019ve been engrossed in an activity and been surprised at the time, not realising how long you\u2019d been busy? This can be anything that requires your full attention. It can range from breathing practices, a hobby or game, cooking, exercise or reading (for me it\u2019s the hedgehogs J). Whatever works best for you in bringing your focus onto something practical in the here and now, rather than worrying about the future or the past.<\/p>\n

In summary<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Be gentle with yourself this Christmas time, recognise that there may be difficult times but remember to honour your feelings and do what is right for you.\u00a0 Know your limits and try not to set yourself up to fail by expecting too much of yourself. Remember, it\u2019s ok to say no to events that you may find upsetting so ensure you plan your own Christmas that you can manage this year.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Christmas and the run up to it can be an extremely stressful and upsetting time for those struggling with infertility as it is a stark reminder of failed cycles and not having yet reached those longed for baby goals. It\u2019s not just the ladies that might be struggling either, read more on the male struggle […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":823,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,16,45,46],"tags":[20,21,23,24,25,26,47],"class_list":["post-8972","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infertility","category-ivf","category-trying-to-conceive","category-ttc","tag-emotions","tag-fertility","tag-infertility","tag-ivf","tag-mental-health","tag-self-care","tag-ttc"],"yoast_head":"\nInfertility: How To Cope At Christmas | Access Fertility UK<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Christmas can be a stressful and upsetting time for those trying to conceive or struggling with infertility. 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