{"id":8960,"date":"2019-08-28T15:37:55","date_gmt":"2019-08-28T14:37:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pamap.accessfertility.com\/ie\/?p=735"},"modified":"2025-05-15T09:48:11","modified_gmt":"2025-05-15T08:48:11","slug":"devastating-truth-ivf-miracle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.accessfertility.com\/ie\/devastating-truth-ivf-miracle\/","title":{"rendered":"The devastating truth about the so-called IVF ‘miracle’ – real life story"},"content":{"rendered":"

When Kat and I were at University together nearly 20 years ago (yes, that makes me feel old), potential fertility issues never entered our consciousnesses and Kat certainly didn’t expect to be part of the ‘devastating truth of the so called IVF miracle’. As we enjoy the excitement of our late teens and early twenties, for most of us the focus is on trying not to get pregnant\u00a0then getting a good career, finding a soulmate, getting married and having the perfect family.<\/p>\n

However, like a large (and growing) number of my friends this was not Kat’s experience and she kindly let us share her story that she recently had published in The Telegraph.<\/p>\n

I know the devastating truth about the so-called IVF ‘miracle’<\/h4>\n

I knew my second cycle of IVF had failed from the way the embryologist said \u201cHello?\u201d. When you\u2019ve spent years reading between the lines, you become highly attuned to sadness, especially on much-longed-for phone calls.<\/p>\n

This particular \u201chello\u201d, in May this year, was in the same tone as one a month earlier. It heralded a call telling me that none of my eggs were mature enough to fertilise, probably from an overstimulated ovarian response to the drugs. There would be no embryo, no pregnancy, no baby.<\/p>\n

There isn\u2019t anything in the fertility books about this.<\/h4>\n

It had never occurred to me that our chance would be over before I\u2019d even been knocked up.<\/p>\n

IVF\u00a0can suck you in with \u201cmiracle\u201d stories – couples who have got lucky the first time, or those who have\u00a0endured 13 attempts\u00a0but finally got their longed-for baby. It can seem so plausible; so within reach. But the truth is that it\u2019s a \u00a36,000 shot in the dark each time, and that\u2019s without counting the emotional burden. And after that phone call, I felt destroyed.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0rang my husband, Harry, and tearfully apologised on behalf of my eggs. Then I called my mother, and updated the anonymous Instagram account I\u2019d set up to avoid depressing my friends. It wasn\u2019t enough. I felt lost in the vastness of grief<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I thought I’d been prepared for IVF<\/h4>\n

It\u2019s something\u00a0Lisa Faulkner has written about in her\u00a0new book,\u00a0Meant to Be.\u00a0The actress had three rounds of IVF before her doctor told her there was no point in continuing.\u00a0\u201cI remember thinking: \u201cWhy are you letting me go?\u201d I didn\u2019t understand. Everyone else had many goes at IVF and I only had three,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Like her, I thought I\u2019d been prepared for IVF, I hadn\u2019t been nearly prepared enough.\u00a0Infertility sucks your money, your focus, and often, your sanity.<\/p>\n

IVF success has plateaued<\/h4>\n

What\u2019s more, according to new figures, published last month, IVF rates in Europe have plateaued. Only one in four cycles is now successful. Academics have suggested that we might have reached our natural limit when it comes to fertility treatments – roughly the same as the natural pregnancy rate – while others have pointed to the number of older women having IVF, who have a lower chance of IVF success<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Could Harry and I have done this any sooner? Unlikely. We first met at university, when I was 17 and even more immature than my eggs. We became a couple in 2013 and started trying for a baby soon after we married in 2015, then aged 36 and 32.<\/p>\n

Facing reality – lack of IVF success<\/h4>\n

I\u00a0wasn\u2019t bothered when I didn\u2019t immediately get pregnant: I had a new job and was enjoying having taken up horse riding. But I soon had to face up to the fact that no amount of regular sex, ovulation predictor kits or temperature tracking were helping.<\/p>\n

Our diagnosis, such as it was, was unexplained infertility, which affects approximately one in four couples. There\u2019s no reason for it, or at least, no reason that medicine has yet found.<\/p>\n

When I turned 35, my GP fast tracked us for IVF. It took 15 months and three hospitals before we got near a needle, but I was confident. I knew several IVF parents and it never occurred to me that we wouldn\u2019t be just as lucky. Harry is more pragmatic, but I reasoned that I had great egg reserves, his semen was smashing \u2013 in fact, all our tests had given Oxbridge-worthy results.<\/p>\n

We were lucky.\u00a0Our London borough offered us three attempts at\u00a0IVF\u00a0transfer on the NHS (one fresh and two frozen, like a depressing Ocado order.) When they failed, I asked my doctor if we could continue our unused transfers in our next cycle, paying for the extras. I was devastated when he said that wasn\u2019t possible. We had to start a second, paid-for cycle as though nothing had happened.<\/p>\n

Guilt and other emotions<\/h4>\n

While our parents have been brilliantly supportive, I have worried about letting down my family by\u00a0not getting pregnant. It doesn\u2019t help when reading yet another article about selfish millennials preferring their pets over babies, and fretting that I am being selfish by taking solace in my beloved cat, Ambridge. She sat by me while I had my hormone injections, and when I crawled into bed straight after work. Frankly, I\u2019d have been as lost without her during the process as I would have been without Harry.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0have also worried about overloading my loved ones \u2013 I\u2019d exited a couple of WhatsApp groups including friends with children before the egg collection began \u2013 and I didn\u2019t know what to tell them, so I just didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Solace in strangers<\/h4>\n

But, oddly, I didn\u2019t feel any such awkwardness with strangers. I sent a tweet saying how grief stricken I was and, if anyone could spare a kind thought, to send it my way.\u00a0When I checked my phone a couple of hours later after sending that tweet – Harry and I having spent the afternoon lying in the garden staring up at the sky, still as sunny as it been the day before when we were waiting to go to the hospital – I was shocked at the response.<\/p>\n

There were received thousands upon thousands of messages. Most were from men and women in the same situation, or from those who had gone on to adopt, use donor conception or come to terms with being childless. There was no cruelty \u2013 the only strange reply I got was a recommendation for Princess Diana\u2019s acupuncturist.<\/p>\n

So many people said that they didn\u2019t feel able to talk about it, for work reasons. It made me realise that infertility has a stigma around it akin to miscarriage or mental health. If you think infertile people are staring hungrily at your bump, it\u2019s not the case at all. We don\u2019t want your baby, just our own.<\/p>\n

\ufffcKat Brown<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2714@katbrown<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve just found out that our second round of IVF hasn\u2019t worked, for reasons that mean that I will probably never be able to have a baby. If you have time to send good thoughts, I would really appreciate it. I never knew I could feel so ill or so sad.<\/strong><\/p>\n

17.8K<\/strong><\/p>\n

13:12 – 14 May 2019<\/strong><\/p>\n

Twitter Ads information and privacy<\/strong><\/p>\n

3,902 people are talking about this<\/strong><\/p>\n

Support on social media<\/h4>\n

I\u2019ve taken great solace in the Instagram accounts I\u2019ve found through the #infertilitysucks hashtag, and in the Big Fat Negative podcast, run by two women documenting their own infertility. I even went to an infertility women\u2019s circle led by the campaigner Alice Rose.<\/p>\n

But a community can only support you so much. After a while, you need to find a way through the pain. I found pleasure in taking a thank you card and chocolates to the clinic staff and handing in our surplus medicines so they could be used by students. And I wore a Christmas jumper to our last consultation, because I didn\u2019t want my regular clothes to become tainted by association.<\/p>\n

Infertility is a struggle that goes on in plain sight.<\/h4>\n

If someone you know doesn\u2019t have children, or \u201conly\u201d has one child, please be careful how you discuss it. When asked if I\u2019d like to have children, I now explain our situation. I\u2019m too tired to be ashamed, and I am increasingly met by conversation rather than awkwardness. So many people are touched by infertility themselves, or know others going through it.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what Harry and I will do next. Through nephews, nieces and godchildren, we are aware of the difficulties, as well as joy, that parenthood brings. Adoption is another long and arduous path, but one we cannot consider until at least six months have passed since our last treatment. We are blessed to have found each other. Perhaps that should be our \u201cmiracle\u201d?<\/p>\n

In June, I decided to take my life off hold and finally put up all those pictures I\u2019d been meaning to hang since we moved house, two years ago. Life stands still for infertility, but it can\u2019t do so forever.<\/p>\n

Read our previous posts about the effect of\u00a0IVF on mental health<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0practical tips\u00a0to survive the process.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When Kat and I were at University together nearly 20 years ago (yes, that makes me feel old), potential fertility issues never entered our consciousnesses and Kat certainly didn’t expect to be part of the ‘devastating truth of the so called IVF miracle’. As we enjoy the excitement of our late teens and early twenties, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":737,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,22,15,16,1],"tags":[20,21,23,24,25,37],"class_list":["post-8960","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fertility","category-guest-blog","category-infertility","category-ivf","category-uncategorised","tag-emotions","tag-fertility","tag-infertility","tag-ivf","tag-mental-health","tag-nhs-ivf-provision"],"yoast_head":"\nThe 'IVF Miracle' - Lack Of IVF Success | Access Fertility UK<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Kat Brown kindly shares with Access Fertility her story about the devastating truth of her lack of IVF success that shattered her dreams.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.accessfertility.com\/ie\/devastating-truth-ivf-miracle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The devastating truth about the so-called IVF 'miracle' - 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